“Hello?” I answered my celphone after checking the number, making
sure it wasn’t Rodney. I was kind of avoiding him.

“Kylie? Hi, it’s Brandon,” a soft male voice said and I felt my
tummy tighten. “From the other night?”

“Yeah,” I smiled and looked down as I sat just outside the Student
Union, relaxing between classes on bit of shady grass. “I, uh…I
remember.”

“Me too,” he chuckled and I wondered if he was as nervous as I
was. I hadn’t expected him to be calling me so soon, but it was two
days later so maybe what I mean is that I hadn’t expected him to call
me at all.

“What’s going on?” I asked, picturing the man with his dark brown
hair and soft brown eyes, cute and smiling and that hard, tight butt
of his…Yeah, my tummy was all kinds of tight. Brandon was a good
looking white boy.

“I was wondering what you were doing for lunch?” Brandon asked.

“Studying,” I sighed without really meaning to, looking down at
the open notebook in my lap.

“Sounds like you’re not into it,” he said lightly, almost teasing
me.

“No, I’m not,” I had to agree and I closed my notebook just I
wouldn’t have to look at it. “What are you doing?”

“Thinking about you.”

“Is that right?” I cleared my throat. “I’m not sure if I like that
or not.”

“You’re not sure if you want me to think about you?” he laughed.
“Why?”

“Uh, well…” I shrugged and pulled some hair out of my face. “Maybe
you’re thinking about Tuesday night,” I said and then frowned, like
why did I have to bring it up? I was a little flustered.

“Probably,” Brandon said. “That’s pretty much when I met you.”

“You know what I mean,” I said. “Look, that…that wasn’t really me,
the other night, um…”

“Evil twin?” Brandon teased me and I laughed.

“Yeah,” I nodded into my phone. “Exactly.”

“Okay…” Brandon paused for just a heartbeat. “What’s your evil
twin doing for lunch?”

“Heh!” I rolled my eyes. “So you don’t really want me, is that
it?”

“Well,” Brandon’s voice was softer. “I really want the black girl
who loves white cock.”

“Oh,” I blinked at that and almost turned off my phone. I should
have. That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear a guy saying, at least
not over my phone, not before we’d even gone on a date.

“Did I just piss you off?” Brandon wondered, almost challenging me
it sounded like, and I felt warm and vaguely embarrassed.

“A little,” I told him.

“Sorry,” he sighed. “It’s just really hard looking at you and
trying to talk around what we both want, you know?”

“What we both want?” I was definitely getting warm and my skin
tingled, my fingertips itched and my nipples felt swollen. “What do we
want, Brandon?”

“A good time,” he answered. “In your bed, me and you. What time is
your next class?”

“One o’clock,” I breathed and my heart was runaway train, taking
my good sense with it.

“Let’s have lunch,” he suggested. “No strings attached, Kylie.”

“No strings.” I could see him in my head, see him in my bed. “You
just want to…fuck me?”

“Fuck buddies,” he said and his voice was playful. “Where’s your
bedroom?”

“Um…” I swallowed hard and I definitely should have hung up the
phone, blocked his number, and never looked back. This wasn’t the kind
of boy I was looking for, was it?

“Where’s your bed?” his voice was suddenly in my other ear and I
jerked away from it with a surprised gasp.

“Brandon?” I blinked at him as he was squatting behind me, holding
up his phone with a smile.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was sitting over
there. I told you I was looking at you.”

“You jerk!” I frowned at him. “Give me a heart attack why don’t
you!”

“I want to give you more than that,” he said with a smile. “You
live in the dorm?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, catching my breath finally.

“Do you want to?” Brandon grinned at me and he was even cuter than
I remembered.

“Take you to my dorm?” I almost laughed.

“I’d take you to my place, but…” he shrugged.

“But what?” I turned off my phone and combed my fingers through my
hair, feeling myself more than a little excited. I should have been
mad and I was, but only slightly and that was such a small thing
compared to what he was proposing.

“My girlfriend is there,” he told me, giving me those doe eyes of
his. They were amused and pretty and I just had to look at them. No
choice.

“Oh, so that’s it,” I took a deep breath. “I don’t, uh…I don’t
date guys with girlfriends or wives, or…”

“I’m not looking for that,” Brandon smiled. “Come on, it’s gonna
be a long year. We could have a lot of fun.”

“You don’t think much of me, do you?” I stared at him.

“I think you’re beautiful,” he said. “And I think you want sex as
much as I do.”

“Fuck buddies,” I giggled nervously, looking around and nobody was
really paying us a lot of attention. Nobody knew what we were talking
about.

“We have time.” He had a great smile. God! I did want sex, but I
wanted a boyfriend to go with it. Didn’t I?

“You have condoms?” I asked, barely able to get the words out as
my tummy somersaulted with raw excitement. I couldn’t be doing this!

“Yeah,” Brandon nodded as he stood up, holding out his hand for me
and I took it.

“Okay,” I said, letting him pull me to my feet and I dusted off my
butt. “I’m in the freshman dorms, that way…”

I had to be insane! The guy was treating me like a slut or
something. Fuck buddies? I’d heard the term before and I’d thought it
sounded sort of juvenile. What kind of girl would just have a guy who
fucked her every now and then? A horny girl, I told myself. A
desperate girl. A girl who was getting so uptight with the need that
she was making clumsy passes at her lesbian friend.

I did want sex and especially sex with a white guy, a handsome one
like Brandon. I wanted to feel his body against mine, kiss him and
feel his cock as it entered me, but…just sex? Just a quick nooner in
my dorm room, hooking up between classes to get our rocks off? That
was a guy thing! Girls weren’t supposed to think like that, were they?
What was wrong with me? I didn’t even know the guy. He worked in a
porn shop, for crying out loud!

“I’m fourth year,” he was telling me, talking while we walked and
I struggled with my doubts. “Engineering major. I want to be an
architect eventually…”

“Oh,” I nodded like that was interesting and it might have been, I
told myself, if we were on a real date.

“How about you?” Brandon wondered and I just shook my head.

“Undeclared,” I said. “I haven’t decided what I want yet.”

“But you want something, right?” he teased me, walking close and
speaking softly and glanced at him. “Sorry. You’re just sexy as hell,
you know that?”

“Uh…What’s the deal with your girlfriend?” I asked him, walking up
the stairs into my dorm, not through the front, but the stairs at the
side of the big building.

“She’s a girlfriend,” Brandon shrugged. “We’re kind of serious.”

“So what are you doing here then?” I laughed nervously, really
hoping I didn’t bump into Karen.

“Just looking for a good time,” Brandon followed me onto the
second floor. “Same as you.”

“You don’t even know me,” I frowned and I realized I sounded sort
of bitchy but I couldn’t help it. I was really nervous and unsure of
what I was doing and why. But jeeze, he looked good and I knew I was
attractive, we’d look good together in bed, all naked and sweaty
and…

“Hey,” Brandon said as I paused to open my purse, finding my key
with tingling, clumsy fingers.

“What?” I looked at him.

“We’re just gonna have some fun,” he told me. “Nobody has to know.
Nobody’s gonna get hurt. We’re just going to have a good time, Kylie.”

“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” I almost laughed as I
opened my door. “A lot of girls?”

“A few,” Brandon admitted carelessly. “I’m not keeping score,
nothing like that.”

“Okay,” I shrugged, feigning indifference and I didn’t know how
any of that was supposed to make me feel. At least he wasn’t trying to
bullshit me. Brandon was honest about what he wanted and I appreciated
that, even if it did seem a little rude at times. Most people aren’t
that blunt and so it was putting me a little off balance, I thought,
not just what he was saying, but how he was saying it. I’d never met a
guy that confident before and it was working like a charm.

I let us into my room, closing the door and locking it. I put my
purse on my desk and Brandon had been carrying my book bag. He put it
on the chair and we just looked at each other for a second. I was
almost unbearably nervous, a little frightened, and a lot excited. The
guy had said all the wrong words. Nothing Brandon had told me was what
I wanted to hear, and yet, he was standing there in my room. A
handsome white boy, smiling as he checked out my small room, and just
a few feet away was my bed and there was nobody to stop us.

Brandon took my hand, sensing my obvious uncertainty. Not
reluctance really, just inexperience on my part. This was new for me
and I did want it. I wanted to know what it was like to be with a
white guy, even if he wasn’t serious. I was warm all over, burning up
inside with the desires that I’d harbored since the day after I’d hit
puberty and decided I liked boys after all. So what if he wasn’t going
to love me. Big deal if he had a serious girlfriend. Who cares if the
guy just wanted my body? I wanted his and didn’t I have a right to get
what I wanted once in awhile?

“Come here, Kylie. Sit down…” Brandon said gently, pulling me onto
the bed and his fingers were on my cheek, turning my face towards his
kiss.

His lips felt soft and moist and I didn’t resist at all. Brandon
was kissing me lightly at first, touching my shoulders through my
cotton blouse, stroking my back and making me shiver. I felt the tip
of his tongue slipping between my lips, urging me to open up for him.
His tongue was light and gentle, unlike Rodney who was always so
aggressive in his passion, Brandon was patient and I felt him kissing
me so softly I imagined his tongue was melting in my mouth. What a
kiss!

I was turning towards him, leaning into the man as my fingers
found his neck and I teased him with my nails while we made out. It
was the best kiss of my young life, so much different than any of my
fumblings in high school and a thousand times better than Rodney’s
selfish hunger. This was seductive and pleasing and I moaned softly
into Brandon’s mouth. My tongue was caressing his, sliding over and
under it, tickling him as I tried to kiss him as well as he was
kissing me. I was intent on it, focused on that wonderfully intimate
pleasure. Kissing Brandon was almost enough to make me cum.

Brandon was unbuttoning my blouse and I was barely aware of it,
and when I did realize what he was doing, I didn’t care. I helped him
blindly, clumsily as I refused to break our lips apart. I followed his
tongue into his mouth, tasting him clean and fresh, sweet with a
slight cinnamon flavor like he’d been eating candy. The man was
delicious and I sucked his bottom lip for a moment as my blouse came
off and a moment later his fingers unclasped my bra, quickly and
effortlessly so that it fell loose from my shoulders and my heaving
breasts were free.

We undressed completely like that and I wasn’t afraid anymore. I
was on fire with the need for sex. My nervousness had disappeared and
my doubts were just memories. My earlier misgivings seemed almost
silly to me as Brandon’s hands roamed my body at will. I was naked and
laying on my bed, sweating and breathless and wrestling with him,
trying to touch every part of Brandon that I could. My legs were
spread and his thigh was between mine and I was rubbing my moist sex
across his white skin. My clit throbbed and the pressure was so good,
so unbelievably good.

I had an arm between us and I was exploring his cock, finding
Brandon long and thick, bigger than Rodney and much more attractive. A
white cock in my black hands, my fingers wrapped around it, stroking
the soft pale skin over the hardness beneath. I thought it was
beautiful and I couldn’t take my eyes of him. Brandon urged me down
gently and I was eager as I let him guide my mouth to his penis. I
could smell him and then taste him as I kissed the tip and felt his
clear precum clinging to my lips.

“Turn around…like this…I want to kiss your pussy,” Brandon was
whispering and we were side by side in a sixty-nine and I gasped when
I felt his mouth on my sex. Rodney never went down on me and this was
so new, so welcome as I felt my body quiver with the rush of pleasure
his mouth was bringing me.

I worshipped Brandon’s cock. There’s no other word to describe it.
I held him in my hands and loved him with my mouth. I kissed and
licked every inch of it, wanting to memorize the way he looked and
felt, how his skin was slightly salty and his precum tasted like
nothing at all. I was loving a white man for the first time in my life
and it was even better than I’d imagined it would be. Brandon’s cock
was large, long enough so I could hold him with both hands and still
take the head and an inch besides into my hungry mouth. He was thick
and heavy, warm with life and I loved it.

Between my open thighs the man was bringing me off with his
tongue. He was making me wet, dripping with desire as my pussy
trembled beneath his attentions. I’d never felt anything like it
before, the pure joy of having my pussy eaten by someone who knew how
to do it. Everytime I thought I’d become used to one thing, Brandon
would move and do something else. He was teasing me, torturing me,
making me gasp and groan and thrust my cunt against his mouth. I could
barely focus on the cock in front of me as my orgasm peaked and that
hadn’t taken long at all.

I came in his mouth, with Brandon’s stiff tongue reaching inside
me to feel the tender walls of my sex spasm with pleasure. A wash of
cum was spilling out of me and I could hear him sucking and swallowing
noisily, making funny sounds and breathing hard as I pressed my thighs
against his cheeks. I couldn’t help it. I was cumming in a white man’s
mouth, all over his tongue and it was very much a dream come true for
me. My fantasy had come to life.

It took several minutes for me to come down and I was giddy,
almost high on all those good feelings. I’d been unable to do anything
but enjoy Brandon’s mouth and I slowly focused on the cock I was still
holding, bending my lips to it as I went down on him eagerly. I
stretched my lips around the shaft and working my tongue along the top
of his cock and around the swollen glans. I had some experience with
sucking a guy off, not a lot, but some and I was determined to reward
Brandon for the orgasm he’d given me. I wanted to make him cum as
well, to fill my mouth with his sperm and I’d swallow it for him. I
never did that with Rodney, but I would for Brandon. I was almost
desperate to please him and myself. The idea of taking his orgasm in
my mouth, of feeling him in my tummy was almost intoxicating.

But Brandon had other plans and our time was fleeting, the minutes
passing too quickly. I glanced at my bedside clock with some
frustration as the man pulled me from his cock gently. He was putting
me on my back and I was almost ready to apologize for not knowing how
to suck his cock as well as I wished I did, but he was kissing me
before I could. Brandon didn’t care that I’d been sucking him off and
I didn’t mind at all the distinct flavor of my cum in his mouth. We
kissed deeply for several minutes and I was holding Brandon tightly,
feeling myself on the verge of my second orgasm.

“Here…hold on a second…” Brandon said and I let him go reluctantly
so that he could lean over the bed and reach his pants.

“I’ll put it on for you,” I told him and I was in a hurry,
giggling and so warm all over.

“Alright,” Brandon smiled at me and he lay on his back while I
tore the foil packet open with my teeth.

I rolled the rubber down his cock with my fingers, wishing it
wasn’t necessary but knowing that it was. How much better it would be,
I thought, to feel his naked cock inside my pussy, his semen filling
me when he came. But I wasn’t on any kind of birth control and neither
of us knew the other well enough to accept the other risks. I
appreciated that about him, I honestly did, and that small sense of
security made it even better for me somehow. I felt like I could trust
him, silly as that seems, but it’s true nonetheless. It was such a
simple thing, but the idea of having to listen to vague promises about
being clean and pulling out of me at the last minute…This was better.
This was honest.

“Do you like it on top?” Brandon asked me and I giggled. “I guess
so,” he laughed lightly as I straddled his hips with my knees and he
just watched me as I reached down to rub his cock across my slit.

“I’ve never fucked a white guy,” I breathed. “I’ve always…Ugh! Oh…
I always wanted to…”

“You’re beautiful, Kylie…Fuck my white cock, girl…” Brandon
whispered, holding my hips as I lowered myself down slowly, feeling
his penis stretching my cunt nicely.

“Yeah…” I nodded, swallowing hard and blinking as he just seemed
to go deeper and deeper, finding the places inside where no man had
ever been. God! He had a long cock!

“Hmmm…hot…tight, baby…” Brandon gave me a little push, lifting his
hips and I gasped loudly as I felt his cockhead find the bottom of my
pussy.

“Oh God!” I blinked rapidly as that jolt of pleasure was like
nothing else in the world. I’d never been touched there and I felt a
strange tenderness as Brandon’s cock pressed against something much
too sensitive inside me.

I was cumming, the sensation sweeping me away with a rush of
unexpected pleasure. I’d been close, but suddenly it was there and I
was grinding myself against him. We weren’t fucking, just grinding as
I felt Brandon’s cock pushing my soft flesh this way and that,
stretching my cunt as it collapsed around him. It was insane and after
a few seconds I collapsed on top of him. I was kissing his face and
rubbing my burning nipples across his chest, begging him to fuck me
hard.

Brandon’s hands found my ass and he gripped me tightly, lifting
with his hips as he started working my body up and down. That was a
wicked confusion as his cock would slide a few inches one way and then
drive back in with a sharp burst of pleasure. My cervix, I thought, or
something. He was touching me there at the bottom of every thrust,
like hitting a big button deep inside me that drove me to fuck him
harder. I needed it so bad. I was rocking my hips and lifting my ass
with Brandon’s help, letting him push and pull me, fucking me with his
big white cock. I was cumming so good and it didn’t stop, they came
one after another until I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything but
gasp for air and ride his beautiful cock.

“I’m gonna cum…Fuck me…Fuck my cock, baby…Oh yeah yeah! Cumming…Oh
fuck!” Brandon wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly and
impaled on his prick while it throbbed inside me.

He was cumming and that just set me off again. One last orgasm to
join his and my only regret, a dim and barely coherent thought in my
feverish mind, was that I wished I could feel his cum mixing with
mine. But this was good anyway. Brandon holding me against his flushed
body, both of damp with sweat and sticking together. He was kissing my
cheek and I turned my face so that he could kiss my mouth. We made out
for a long five minutes without moving, just cuddling and enjoying the
moment. His cock remained stiff inside me and my orgasm retreated
slowly, leaving me with a wonderful glow inside. I was unbearably
happy just then and I wondered how my body could ever contain it.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

“Same time tomorrow?” Brandon asked me after we’d dressed and I
felt only slightly uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure why, perhaps it was
guilt, I wasn’t sure, but after our sex I felt…shy.

“Do you want to?” I asked him and he rolled his eyes playfully. “I
mean, yeah. Alright.”

“No strings, remember?” Brandon put his hands on my hips, standing
close to me. “This is just for fun, so whatever you want is okay with
me.”

“Yeah,” I smiled up at him, trying to sort out my feelings. Why
did he have to have a girlfriend? “Fuck buddies, right?”

“Heh!” Brandon kissed me lightly on the mouth. “You’re gorgeous,
Kylie. Just call me if you ever need anything.”

“If I need…sex?” I giggled and nodded and I knew I didn’t love
him. I couldn’t. I didn’t know him, but he was there in my heart, you
know? He was my first. Black guys didn’t count. I’d given my real
virginity to Brandon and I couldn’t love him. That wasn’t fair at all.

“Yeah,” Brandon chuckled, giving me a squeeze before letting me
go. “Or just a friend, you know?”

“Okay,” I cleared my throat and picked up my purse and book bag,
letting us out of my room.

We had about ten minutes to get to our classes. Brandon went one
way and I went the other and all I could think of was that tomorrow
couldn’t come soon enough. I was still horny as hell and that seemed
ridiculous. I had a fuck buddy, a white man I could call anytime I
felt the need to relieve some stress. I knew his name, I knew where he
worked, and I knew a few meaningless bits of Brandon trivia. And he’d
fucked me. I had to be insane.

Stupid guilt. That’s what it was. I was cheating on Rodney, who
was about as much of a boyfriend to me as…I don’t know what. He
thought we were serious and I just kept waiting for him to get tired
of me and say goodbye. My parents. God! My dad would have a fit if he
ever found out about this. He’d yank me out of college so quick I’d
need a chiropractor. I was betraying everyone, or so it seemed, and
the guy wasn’t even my boyfriend. Brandon was just a guy I had sex
with. Good sex. Great sex. The best sex of my life. Why was that bad?

I couldn’t let Karen find out.

That thought hit me like a brick and I frowned as I made my way
towards my class, barely aware of the people around me as I returned
smiles and exchanged the occasional hello. Karen liked me. She loved
me and I…What did I feel? I’d avoided her Wednesday, all day long
because of what I’d done Tuesday night. I wanted to forget it,
actually. I wanted to rewind my life and never go to her room like I
had. Why had I done that? Because I wanted something? Or was it
because I thought I owed her something? I didn’t know and I didn’t
want to think about it. Karen was complicated and sometimes I felt
like I wanted to touch her, but I knew I wasn’t gay. I wasn’t a
lesbian. I didn’t find her attractive the way I did Brandon. She was
my friend, my best friend, why did I have other feelings?

My head hurt and I had no answers. All I knew was that I didn’t
want Karen to know I’d had sex with Brandon. I tried to tell myself
that it was because I didn’t want to hurt her somehow or deal with
jealousy if it came to that. But in reality there were other reasons
too, selfish reasons that I didn’t understand. I wasn’t worried about
losing her as a friend. Karen would still like me. She’d still be my
best friend. She’d been trying to set me up with the guy anyway, so
she couldn’t be mad at me. It was the other that I didn’t want to lose
and I had no words for what the other was, but it was there. I wanted
to keep Karen’s interest, that’s what it was. I wanted to keep her
hoping and…trying?

Did I like the way she looked at me sometimes? The way Karen
touched me when she thought she could get away with it? Did I like the
way she flirted and yeah, the way I flirted back sometimes? I did like
it. I enjoyed the attention and I liked the teasing and I even liked
the doubts, didn’t I? This thinking in circles that I complained
about, the confusion and tension we sometimes shared. I did like it
and I didn’t want to lose it, but I had no idea why. I didn’t know
what it meant or where it was leading me.

“Karen,” I sighed aloud, was the mystery in my life.

“What’s that?” The guy next to me, a rather well-rounded black guy
smiled and I blinked at him.

“Um, sorry,” I said, sitting in the lecture hall and feeling my
face grow warm beneath his interest.

I ignored him, opening my purse so I could turn off my celphone
before I forgot. Bad manners to get a call during class, as some of my
fellow students had learned. The professors had a low tolerance for
freshman anyway. I checked Brandon’s number, just because I wanted to
see it again. I’d let him put it in my phone and I rolled my eyes when
I couldn’t find him in the B’s…He was listed under F naturally. F for
Fuck Buddy and that made me giggle, drawing even more attention and I
couldn’t wait for tomorrow.