Yeah.

I know.

You’ve never heard me talk about my sex life. I gotta be gay, or
asexual. Or something.

Let me tell you, since you asked.

I’m something.

No, really. Take a good look in her eyes.

Unthinkable?

For you, yes.

Me?

Love’s a bitch–a *real* bitch.

* * *

Hey, I never could make all the right moves around women. Truth is, I
couldn’t seem to get my head wrapped around them anyway. All those
fucking mind games. On again, off again sexual signals. IDK. Maybe
I was never meant to stumble down the path most guys walk.

When puberty kicked the hormones in we had a family dog. OK, get
picky, a bitch. I spent a lot of time with her. Took her through an
obedience training class as soon as she was old enough.

Yeah, you got it. She was intact. Never thought about it before but
almost everyone’s dogs were intact back then. Was just the way things
were. You just didn’t fuck with nature, that’s all. You didn’t want
puppies, you took the time to make sure your bitch wasn’t out where
she could be bred. Most folks had contempt for those who couldn’t be
bothered with the added responsibility and took the easy way out. Not
like it is now. Pressure. Laws.

Stupid. That’s what it is.

She was in heat for part of the class. The instructor loved it.

Those of us who finished had some pretty well behaved dogs at the end,
her included.

Anyway, we bonded.

Heh. Bonded. Right. She was in heat, I was in puberty–and that was
all it took. Didn’t care for girls, could barely stand being around
women. Guys too, for that matter. Jerks, most of them. Even then I
wasn’t gonna play the male thing. Talk, all talk about girls and
fucking. All of us knew that none of us were getting laid. Hell, all
we had were the few pics we’d seen in magazines some us had found.

So, there we were. Me with the whole hormone thing, her too. I even
knew the right words. The trainer was like that. Put it on the line.
‘Want your dogs to behave? Convince them you’re boss dog. Alpha. Do
that and the rest is easy.’

I paid attention. Listened to something else, too Our instincts.
Halfway into the class she was in my face with her ass. ‘Come on.
You’re in charge here, deal with *this*.’

Ya know, canine body language ain’t all that different from human.
Lust did the rest.

Took some time but I figured out where we could have all the privacy I
needed. Damn sure she didn’t care.

Know something? The parts fit together once we got our act together.

So, the first week or so, we fucked. Took the edge off both of us.
She didn’t flag every damn dog she met and I started thinking again.

Yeah, we bonded. Fucked ourselves into exhaustion damn near every
day. Without the hormones raging so much, I relaxed.

Then she went out of heat. I figured it was over.

Damn bitch. She had other ideas. Drug me to our special place every
day and made it damn clear that we weren’t there to cuddle. At least
she didn’t want that until we’d screwed each other.

Guys got suspicious. ‘What’s with you? Some sort of fag or
something?’ I just laughed. ‘Nah. I’m het. Don’t do the back door
bit. Just not ready for anything and honest enough to admit it.
Someday.’

That always got grins. Wry admissions that they weren’t ready either.
Not all the way. Couple went the back door route. No big deal, rest
of us covered for them.

Kept looking at girls, guys. Still figured I’d go het but was in no
hurry. No pressure since I was getting laid every day. Plenty of
time to think and the thoughts finally settled.

Fuck it. Stay with a sure thing. Definitely het, knew damn sure I
enjoyed the male-female action. Had a partner who wouldn’t let me
stop, too.

Later, older, guy talk, even some female talk, convinced me I’d made a
choice.

Yah, even a time or two with a girl. Only made it worse. Hell, by
then I knew enough to make the right moves. Better than a lot of guys
did. She got clingy, but it wasn’t the same. Felt used, No return on
investment, if you know what I mean.

Stayed with the bitch. Cuddled. Afterglow.

Hell again, bottom line was mutual appreciation. Lot more there than
the games.

We knew, and let each other know.

Been avoiding it but you know what I mean by now.

Yeah, *that* word. Love.

And we meant it.

Yeah, I play the game. Hide reality, even from my close friends.
From you.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, you mean a lot. Hell of a lot. Isn’t your
fault that I’ll never get my head into the whole man-woman thing.
Wasn’t meant to be, that’s all.

Right there. *She’s* the center of my life. My lover.

Look at those brown eyes and tell me she doesn’t feel the same about
me.

Can’t, can you?

Sure, no hands. No hugs, either. Can’t say I’ve missed what I never
had.

Love? Yeah, I have plenty. For her and you. Like I said though,
ain’t a woman alive, man either, who can get me to think ‘sex’. Just
the way it is, that’s all.

Hmm? That’s OK.

Welcome to drop by any time. Ain’t me thinkin’ about walkin’. You
ain’t the first. Bothered? Yeah, sure it bothers me. Not many able
to wrap their heads around who I am. ‘S OK. I got a few friends who
know. Managed to meet a few folks who are the same as I am. Folks
who decided they can’t do the man-woman bits, leastwise not all the
way.

I ain’t putting no pressure your way. Stupid. It don’t work that
way. You accept, whatever…

Or you don’t.

Life’s simple that way, you look at it right.

A hug? Sure. I can do that much. You look like you need one.

Take care, eh?

Get your head sorted and all that. I’ll be here, if.

Yeah…

I’ll be here.

So will she.

You see, like I said at the beginning.

For me, love’s definitely…

A bitch.

Take care of yourself, won’t you?