Ramona was sick to death of anal, every night, anal,
When she married Ralph, she knew he was a good salesman
and proud of his persistence. But even he knew that you
can’t sell every customer.
She must have told him a thousand different ways by now
that no matter what he said or did, what he promised,
what he bought her or where he took her, she was never
going to do anal.
When they were dating, before marriage was in the
picture, he had tried to go there. She apologized the
next day for biting and scratching and screaming and
somehow managing to pick his body up and toss it off the
bed before throwing on her clothes and running out of
That’s when she patiently explained she would never give
her ass to anyone, not him, not the handsome movie stars
she might fantasize about, not anyone. She told him that
maybe it was in her genes, but she had been conditioned
to thinking about that part of your body as being for
one purpose only and except for cleaning it, you never
touched it, nor did anyone else. And no, she didn’t want
to see a therapist about her hang-up.
Even then, Ralph kept talking about it and trying to
sell her. It exasperated her so much that a week before
the wedding, she told him she was ready to cancel. He
backed off then and told her that though he hoped she
would change her mind someday, he still wanted her, anal
For a while, he did leave her alone. But after a few
years, he started bringing it up again, and soon it got
out of hand. It had been eight months of selling now,
and he showed no signs of giving up.
She found she was thinking about it every day, too, even
before he brought it up, trying to find a way to turn
off the anal lobbying machine. She had already tried
pleading, begging, insulting and screaming. She tried
harder than ever to please him in bed and even went
along with inserting a finger into him and letting him
insert a finger into her anus while making love. She was
fine with her finger but had to fight to overcome her
repugnance at accepting his.
It was when she started getting angry at herself that
things changed. One day, she realized how much time she
was devoting to thinking about this, how it intruded
during her job, when she was with friends, when she was
watching television. It had become a major chunk of her
As she thought of this, she began getting angrier and
angrier with herself. It wasn’t Ralph’s fault, she
thought. He was like a dog jumping onto the couch. He
couldn’t control his animal impulses. It was up to her.
She had to train him.
All of a sudden, her mind opened up, and ideas came
flooding in. She was in the kitchen when it happened,
and she quickly grabbed a pad of paper and started
writing them down. They were coming so fast that she
couldn’t keep up, but it didn’t matter, because they
kept on coming. Finally, they slowed down and then they
stopped. Her hand hurt was hurting from all the writing,
but her brain felt clear, as if she had just gotten over
She looked at her scribbled notes. There were over 150
ideas, and most of them were so bizarre that she was
astonished. How in the world had those ideas ever
entered her head? She laughed and started crossing them
out. She started with the craziest ones, the ones that
might send her to prison. Then she deleted the ones she
might get away with if she had a criminal mind, the ones
that would turn Ralph into a zombie and the ones that
would mean the end of any chance to have children with
As she narrowed the list, she realized that some of the
ideas that seemed far out were starting to look more
possible to her. When she got down to eight ideas, she
stopped. One of them was so appropriate, that it had to
be the one.
For the next two weeks, she spent every spare minute
making calls, meeting people and visiting businesses.
But she enjoyed it, because she was no longer
frustrated. She was in reach of her goal.
When Ralph started in on his anal marketing campaign,
she was no longer upset. She didn’t say anything, but
she smiled at him, because she knew this would soon be
over. He smiled back, because he thought he was making
progress. He decided on his own to go into a soft sell
mode and not bring it up unless he saw some positive
indicators that might lead to success on a given night.
He asked about her day and about her job and listened
hard to see if she was in a good mood.
She was so absorbed in her preparations that she didn’t
notice his new approach, and when she was ready, she
became a little frustrated. Her plans would be set into
motion the next time he brought the subject up, but he
didn’t. Did she go through all that work for nothing?
For two days, she was upset and distracted, but on the
third day, she woke up and told herself, why are you
acting like this? Who cares what caused Ralph to stop
tormenting you? The important thing is that he’s over
his obsession. You should be celebrating, not sulking.
Even though your plan took a lot of time, at least you
won’t have to spend any more money on it.
That night she was all smiles and whistling happily
while making dinner. Ralph decided she must have had a
good day, and she was in a receptive mood. He waited
until they were almost done with dinner before he
brought it up, and he didn’t make it blatant. He thought
he was just slipping it smoothly into their
From the startled look she gave him, he knew that his
soft soap effort hadn’t worked, but then she gave him a
broad smile. He smiled back at her.
“Ralph,” she said, “you’ve finally made me realize how
important this is to you, so I’ve decided I’m going to
give you anal.”
“Oh Ramona!” he said. His eyes were gleaming with joy.
“You don’t kno…”
“Hush, Ralph, and listen. I’ve told you a thousand times
that no man is ever going to shove his thing in my ass.
It’s nothing against you. That’s just a law of nature
that applies today, tomorrow and the rest of my life.
“But I know how much you want anal, so even though I’m
not happy about it, I’ve decided to give you a one-night
pass. My hope is that this will get it out of your
system, and that you will never bring the subject up
again. I’ve arranged everything, and I’ll even be there
“I know what you’re thinking right now, Ralph. You’re
thinking you’re never going to give up. I understand
that. You’re a salesman. You’re also thinking that once
I see you do it with someone else, I’ll realize it’s not
that bad. That’s not going to happen, Ralph, I promise
you. But I am going to have someone make a video for you
to watch whenever you want to.
“I’m not going to make any deals or ask for any
promises, Ralph. You promised me before we were married
that you would stop pressing me for anal, and you kept
that promise for a while. I know you are usually a man
of your word, but when it comes to this obsession, it
seems that promises just don’t count.
“So this is all on me. I hope Saturday night works, so
we can move beyond this. If it doesn’t, well, it won’t
be any worse than it is right now.
“Yes, this is going to happen Saturday night at one of
those places where men sit behind a plate of glass and
watch women with other women or with men. The men can
talk to the sex workers though a microphone and tell
them exactly what they want them to do and then watch
them do it. They can hear every sound on the other side
of the glass. They can even choose music and lighting.
“I’ve made all the preparations. The lighting is going
to be dark and moody at first, but as you get into it,
it will be bright as day so the video cameras can
capture everything. I’ve even chosen the music. And I
can’t wait for you to meet Terry, who was chosen
especially for you.
“Now, don’t ask me any questions, Ralph. I’m not going
to tell you anything else. Saturday night is two days
away, and the subject is closed until then. I hope you
can control yourself for 48 hours and not irritate me so
much that I cancel the whole thing.”
She looked at Ralph and saw that he was having a hard
time. He had a million questions, and he was ready to
explode. But he finally calmed down. That night and the
next and all day Saturday, she saw him sneaking looks at
her. She could see he was dying to say something, but he
wasn’t going to jeopardize his opportunity.
The place was in a slightly seedy area near downtown,
with a gaudy neon sign out front. There was a parking
lot on the side with a security guard. But once Ralph
and Ramona left the dirty sidewalk and walked through
the front entrance, Ralph saw that the interior was
sleek and modern. A woman in a business suit led them
down a hall and into a room with a bed and nothing else
The room was just a little larger than the bed, and the
bed was in the middle, so there was a path barely wide
enough for one person to walk around, and then the
walls. Ramona began explaining it to Ralph.
“There are video cameras all around the room up there,”
she said, pointing. “You and Terry are free to run
around the bed at the beginning, but once you get on the
bed, two girls will come into the room with handheld
video cameras, and they’ll wander around the bed getting
some good close-ups of faces and connecting body parts.
They’ll be blocking the path around the bed, so you need
to stay on top of it after that.
“The lighting will be dim and moody at the beginning
like it is now. I’ll be controlling it. Once I see the
real action is starting, I’ll make everything super
bright, like this, so the high definition videos will be
crystal clear with no dark shadows obscuring anything.
“The surround speakers are up there next to the
cameras,” she said. “I’ve picked ‘Stairway to Heaven,’
which starts soft, but about halfway through, it gets
really loud, and then comes ‘Purple Haze,’ ‘Free Bird,’
‘Layla’ and `Won’t Get Fooled Again.’ I timed it out and
figured that should be long enough for you.
“I’ll be behind this glass wall here, where the customer
sits. I could set up the lighting so the wall looks
solid black, but I’m going to light up the room, so you
can see me watching you.
“Oh, one more thing. To make it more interesting, you’ll
have to catch Terry before you can have anal. I’m giving
Terry a bonus for each minute out of your grasp. You’re
wearing loose elastic waist shorts, so they’ll come off
easily when the time is right. Give me your sandals,
because you can run faster without them.
“I’ll have a microphone, but I’m not going to use it
much. Maybe I’ll give you some encouragement. It’s
amplified so you’ll be able to hear it above the music,
but the music will be so loud that I won’t be able to
hear you or Terry and you won’t be able to hear each
other. Here’s Terry now.”
Ralph turned around to see a nondescript woman in a
loose, ill-fitting dress walk in the room. She didn’t
look that hot, he thought, but at least she didn’t pour
on the makeup and look grotesque. She seemed nervous and
shifted a lot as though she were uncomfortable. She’s
acting for me, thought Ralph, pretending like she hasn’t
done this before.
“I know Terry is pretty flat on top,” said Ramona, “but
that’s not why I picked her for you. Ralph. This is
why.” Ralph looked at Ramona and saw she was stroking up
and down Terry’s ass over the dress.
“Look at this ass,” she said. “Look how round and firm
and large it is. It looks like a big globe welded onto a
human body. It makes a statement.” Ralph saw Terry
fidgeting as Ramona stroked. Maybe she really was
scared, he thought. This excited Ralph, and he felt the
front of his loose shorts getting tighter as he pushed
out into them.”
“I think we’re ready,” said Ramona. “I’m renting this by
the minute. Look over at that glass wall when you see
the light going on in my room, so I can wave to you.
Then as soon as I turn on the music, you can start.
Remember, you have to catch Terry first, but Terry’s
wearing high heels, so that should be a snap. You look
like you’re in seventh heaven, Ralph.” He was gazing at
Terry’s ass while she spoke, and he didn’t acknowledge
her when she left the room.
“Hi Terry,” he said. “I’ll try to make this easy on
you.” No I won’t, he thought. This is my one chance, and
I’m going to pound that ass into a pulp. Terry looked
nervous and didn’t say anything.
Ralph looked up and saw the light go on in the viewing
room. Ramona was brightly lit and so clear that it
didn’t look like there was any glass between them.
“There’s a lady who’s sure…”
The music was starting, and he saw Terry move away from
him to the other side of the bed from where he was.
Should he jump across the bed or chase her around it? He
decided to try running first and began heading around
one corner. Terry began running away from him in tiny
steps, trying not to trip. She certainly was awkward,
thought Ralph, but it must be hard to run in heels.
It didn’t take long. On the second lap around the bed,
Ralph was able to grab Terry’s wrist.
“Ooh, it makes me wonder.”
He heard Ramona cheering above the music: “Way to go
Ralph. That was fast.”
He pulled the struggling Terry to him. Terry pushed back
with surprising strength, but gradually Ralph was
enveloped Terry with his arms. Terry certainly was flat
beneath the thick dress and undergarments. Ralph held
tightl and then spun around so that he was now holding
Terry face to face.
He pushed Terry, and Terry fell backwards onto the bed
with Ralph on top. Ralph hoped this would knock the wind
out of Terry for a couple of minutes, and he thought it
must have worked because Terry was lying still beneath
him. He reached for the buttons in the front of the thin
dress, but Terry pushed his hands away. Well, if that’s
the way you want it, he thought, as he used his body and
one hand to trap her hands. Now his other hand was
reaching down and moving under her dress. She moved
quickly away from his hand, but he moved with her, and
put his hand under her dress again. This time he got as
far as a thigh before she moved away.
“Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.”
Jimmy Page’s guitar began slashing out chords, and the
music was so loud that the bed was vibrating as he
finally succeeded in getting his hand between Terry’s
legs. Then his head jerked up. He looked over and saw
Ramona staring at him with a strange smile. He jumped
off the bed and ran to the glass separating them and
screamed at her while she smiled back at him.
Then Terry slowly slid off the bed and took off his
head. No, not his head, just his wig. As he did this,
the room was flooded in light. Ralph was able to see
every pore on Terry’s face as he pulled things off his
eyelids and lifted the dress over his head. When he
pulled down his panties, Ralph saw what had made him
scream. It was hanging straight down, like a fire hose,
and it seemed to go to below Terry’s knees.
Terry looked at him and began talking to him as he
pulled off his high heels. Ralph clearly saw Terry’s ass
now. It was certainly big and round, but not soft and
smooth. It was full of bulging muscles, just like the
arms and legs that had been hidden under that loose-
Ralph kept screaming, and now he pointed at Terry as he
screamed at Ramona. Terry was still talking, but the
music was so loud that Ralph couldn’t hear himself
scream, much less understand what Terry was saying. When
he stopped screaming to catch his breath, he heard
Ramona’s voice above the music.
“Terry’s probably trying to say that he’s not a she-
male, Ralph,” she said. “I made him put on the makeup
and the dress, but I had to promise him that when you
found out his secret, he could take off the women’s
stuff. He’s a professional porn actor who does both
women and men, and his specialty is anal.
“Look how fast he got himself up. Do you see how long he
is now? And he’s so thick that when I interviewed him, I
couldn’t even get my hands around him. All that is about
to go into you, Ralph, but don’t worry, I left plenty of
lube for you and Terry under the bed. Tonight you’re
getting an anal memory that I want you to remember
always, and I want you to think of me when you remember.
“I told Terry that after you made your discovery, he
would get a bonus for each minute he’s buried in your
ass, so he’s going to start chasing you soon.
“I’m going to enjoy watching the two of you tonight and
many nights in the future. The videos are going to show
that huge human telephone pole going into you in all
sorts of positions and from lots of angles. I told the
video girls who will be coming in the room soon that I
want close-ups so close that when he pulls out of you,
your open asshole will be as big as a manhole cover on
our 50-inch flat screen.
“Terry told me he could do you twice if you help him, so
after he comes the first time, you’re going to clean his
soft penis and remove all the come, lube and whatever
else comes out of your colon that’s on there. I mean,
you’ll clean it with your mouth and tongue while his big
hands are holding your balls and ready to squeeze them
to motivate you. After that, you’ll suck him until he’s
hard again, and then he’ll get back into your ass. The
second time he’ll pull his big pole out a lot, to feed
you more of the stuff that sticks to it, and then he’ll
finish by coming in your mouth.
“A friend of mine is going to take all the video and
edit it into a polished masterpiece. She’s discreet, and
she’s the only one who’s going to know our secret unless
— unless you ever mention anal to me again. Each time
you bring it up, I’ll invite another couple that we know
to come over and see it. And if I hear even the
slightest rumor that you had anal with anyone else —
office friend, hooker, call girl — in town or on a
business trip — I’ll put it on the Internet and send
links to everyone we know and all the people at your
“So it looks like tonight may be your only chance for
anal the rest of your life, Ralph. As you’ve told me
many times, all you have to do is relax and you’ll enjoy
She stopped speaking, and he saw Terry look at him and
smiling. His giant pole was sticking straight up,
bending just a little from its tremendous weight. He
started walking around the bed toward Ralph. Ralph began
running, but without high heels, Terry was able to make
large strides with his rippling leg muscles.
“Purple Haze” was blasting as Ralph felt a hand grab his
shorts and start pulling him back. He leaned forward and
kept scrambling as the shorts came off in Terry’s hand.
His briefs came off the same way, and then he felt a
hand reaching up between his legs, lifting him in the
air and throwing him on the bed.
He looked over at Ramona. She had a wild expression on
her face as she stared at him and Terry. It looked like
she had a hand under her dress. He saw the door opening,
and two women came into the room carrying video cameras.
He screamed and screamed, but nobody heard him.