There are advantages to Cucumbers over your average
The average cucumber is at least six inches long. Plus
with a cucumber you know what you’re getting right up
front. You can always throw it back onto the grocery
table and take a bigger one.
Cucumbers stay hard for a week. And you don’t have to
tell them they’re wonderful, to keep them that way.
A cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count.
Cucumbers don’t get TOO excited TOO fast.
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up. No time wasted playing
You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket… and you
know how firm it is before you take it home.
Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
With a cucumber you can get a single room and you won’t
have to check in as ‘Mrs. Cucumber’.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
You can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the
At a drive in you can stay in the front seat.
A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
A cucumber won’t eat all the popcorn.
A cucumber won’t drag you out to a John Wayne Film
A cucumber won’t ask: ‘Am I first?’
Cucumbers don’t care if you’re a virgin.
Cucumbers won’t tell other cucumbers you’re a virgin.
Cucumbers won’t tell anyone you’re not a virgin.
With cucumbers, you don’t have to be a virgin more
Cucumbers won’t write your name and number on men’s
Cucumbers don’t have sex hang-ups.
Cucumbers won’t ask: “Am I the best you ever had?” or
“How was it?” or “Did you come?” or “How many times?”
Cucumbers aren’t jealous of your gynecologist, ski
instructor or hairdresser.
Cucumbers won’t ask about your last lover or speculate
about your next one.
A cucumber will never make a scene because there are
other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
A cucumber won’t mind hiding in the refrigerator when
your mother comes over.
No matter how old you are you can always get a fresh
Cucumbers can handle rejection.
A cucumber won’t pout if you have a headache.
A cucumber won’t care what time of the month it is.
A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails
A cucumber won’t give it up for lent.
With a cucumber, you never have to say you’re sorry.
Cucumbers won’t leave whisker burns, fall asleep on
your chest or drool on the pillow.
A cucumber will never give you a hickey.
Cucumbers can stay up ALL night and you won’t have
to sleep in the wet spot.
A cucumber won’t work your crossword in ink.
A cucumber isn’t allergic to your cat.
Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
A cucumber won’t eat all your food or drink all your
A cucumber doesn’t turn your bathroom into a library.
Cucumbers won’t go through your medicine chest.
A cucumber doesn’t use your toothbrush, roll-on, or
Cucumbers won’t leave dirty shorts on the floor.
A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
A cucumber doesn’t flush the toilet while you’re in
With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way
you left it.
Cucumbers don’t compare you to a centerfold.
Cucumbers won’t tell you they liked you better with
A cucumber will never leave you for another man,
another woman or another cucumber.
You will always know where your cucumber has been.
A cucumber never has to call ‘the wife’.
Cucumbers won’t tell you a vasectomy will ruin it
You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
You only eat cucumbers when YOU feel like it.
You don’t have to wait for halftime to talk to your
Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
It’s easy to drop a cucumber.
A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a
property settlement or seek custody of anything.
A cucumber won’t leave town on New Years Eve.